I got a phone call on Wednesday night with a funeral date for a family member that passed in March. 

During that conversation, we once again explored the path of origin. The surviving spouse got it from work (the area was an epicenter of contagion before we all knew what’s going on). The workplace was a school. It spread like wildfire (again, before anyone knew what it was). 

People feel better when they find who they perceive or can blame as patient zero. That school’s alleged patient zero feels awful that they gave it to their colleague who gave it to their spouse that died. Also, my surviving family member specifically remembers a student coughing/sneezing directly into their face. Not in malice, but because kids are kids and things happen. Shortly thereafter, sick. My family member finds it very difficult to wear the mask, but they wear it. To protect others.

At my own school, I teach multiple sections a day. I already bring in my own cleaning products and pencils. Before the shutdown and again before anyone knew what was happening, our kids were dropping like flies. If a student was sitting in seat 2A and was then out, 2-3 days later, someone from another section sitting in 2A was out. Not to mention what happened to seats 2B, 2C, etc. Not to mention the guidance referrals for kids who had sick family members of this “thing” that could not be shaken off. To this day, I remember looking at the numbers with a sobbing student. “Look! New York only has one case. We will look each day if it makes you feel better.” How quickly that changed.

My colleagues and I sat in our team or department meetings and were truly stumped over what we were seeing. It wasn’t the flu. We’ve seen the effects and contagion of the flu. We knew the drill for that. This was something else. My husband and I tried to buy more pencils and more cleaning products and sanitizer for my classroom. None could be found. I predicted a specific closure date at one point (at least for a mass cleaning). I was told I was “crazy”. I was absolutely correct. I’ve never hated being right more.

Our friend was one of the early-on patients. My husband posted about him continuously at the start of this. Maybe if people “knew” someone who had it (even vicariously through us), it would make a difference. He was on a vent, coma, his own father passed during this while he was in a coma, and- with a team and family that fought for him- he recovered. “Yay!” says the world. Even today after a phone call with my husband, he is out of breath. In early June, he commented on his own page and I share with permission, “9 people were infected through me. 3 were wearing masks. 1 died! I still wear a mask in public despite being 75 days free and rich with antibodies.”

(You can learn more about our friend’s experience here.) 

“Well, this is life,” non scientists and non doctors comment. “Some people are going to die.” I invite you to look at your spouse, your parent, your family member, your colleague, your child. I invite you to be OK with them dying. Or, someone else suggesting that you should be.

I have a friend who is health compromised. More than one. But, let’s stick with the one. She has been told by people in her circle that if she is so afraid, stay home. Well, she has. She is. But, like others, shouldn’t she have the chance to also return to a degree of normalcy? All she hears is that her life is less valuable than someone else’s because…well, you know. People are going to die. My friend is disposable. 

“But, Suzie…the protesters…”

Stop. That’s like bringing the Gremlins into the DC versus Marvel Universe discussion. Or saying your favorite color is four. If you need to discuss that, you can find plenty of people to “chat” with you on Twitter.

“But, Suzie…the real virus is fear.”

Dude. Yes, and…Fear. Is. Real. Embrace all of your emotions, just don’t stay stuck in them. Telling people to not recognize or allow their fear is an insult. They only reason that there is love and light and rainbows is because people have experienced fear and dark and clouds as contrast. Offer people love and light but don’t diminish other people’s feelings. 

“But, Suzie…the whole reason this…”

I love a good conspiracy with a dash of reality. I read science fiction and horror all the time. Whether this virus was made in nature, a lab, your grandma’s basement; whether the Illuminati did it or three of the countries we’ve previously defeated coordinated and released it world wide just to get us; whether a political puppet on any side of the aisle brokered a deal to destroy us from within; or whether it’s the aliens terraforming so they can harvest our crystals, so be it.

It’s here. 

In the movie version of this, there’s a secret group getting to the bottom of all of this. There’s also the extra standing on the side hoping to see her friends, students, and family one day. I’m the extra. That’s my lane.

I’m asking you to reflect on your lane. Your part of the movie. Your choices. Your mindset. How are you affecting others around you? 

I’ve said from the beginning that if this was affecting children to the degree it was affecting others, you would see a change in attitude because “My child is precious.” My family member who is no longer with us was precious. Our friend who survived and is struggling is precious. My friend who is trapped at home is precious. Dare I say it? I’m precious to someone. 

And as we push to reopen schools, we will continue to protect your children. We were willing to take bullets for them. I guess we will take this, too. I want to remind you that if school staff die or have diminished lung capacity for the rest of their lives and have to leave the job, you can donate pencils and cleaning supplies to their school in their name. If you can find them. 

I continue to think about and write about legacy (in another spot) and can’t even begin to think about what legacy we are leaving behind. But I invite you to think about your own. Your legacy. This isn’t about wearing a mask or not. This isn’t about who is to blame. This isn’t about competing narratives or my perceived rights versus yours. This is about thinking beyond ourselves. This is a pivotal moment of our own history right here in the making. We are concurrently addressing a pandemic and a society that continues to show evidence by its behavior that not all lives matter despite its outcry to the contrary. 

Our behavior, our thoughts, and our actions are the path of origin for our future’s history. You don’t have to decide what “side” of history you’ll be on. Simply think about what your footnote is going to be.

We are all going to be history.