Tick Tock at My Door

To misquote Eckhart Tolle and the Practicing the Power of Now, right now is the past and the future. Ready? It’s the past. Ready? It’s the future.
The Shoulda’s and Mights of the past and future. The Regrets, the Fears, and the Anxiety. These are always with us. What is it like to let them go? If even for a minute…
If you are feeling adventurous, I invite you to pause in your reading for one minute. In fact, set a timer for one minute and simply open your mind to this moment. Let go of everything else. Just be. See you in a minute.
How’d you do? 
I found myself in a staring contest with one of my cats. It lasted longer than previous attempts. The ticking of the second hand of my clock was louder than normal. And soothing. A bird called outside. A buzzing sound was distracting me as was the shrieking of the cat trying to paw her way into the occupied bathroom. (Wait…who is in the bathroom? Wasn’t he downstairs? When did he come upstairs? How did I miss that? When did the cat leave my staring contest to find him? Ugh- the bag of work right next to me! This is a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng minute.)
I’ve had better minutes. I could’ve done better. I shouldn’t have tried to track my thoughts. I just need to be. But what if I can’t? What if, because I know I’m writing about it, I just can’t access this moment and be present? What about that bag of work? What if I can never enjoy another minute until it is done? What if it takes me 1,000 more minutes to psyche myself up to attack it? It might never get tended to. Forever. (Wait, is that For-never?) Can I get my cat to barf up the most massive hairball of his life on it and claim the Universe wanted it to be like this?
I’m taking another minute. A minute of nothing but being and noticing. My breath. Tension in my chest. No other thoughts are welcome even as they knock on the door. They can wait a minute. Anything can wait a minute. I am determined. I am grace. I am resilient.
I’m reminded of a city bus tour. I sat on the upper level of the double decker bus and took very few pictures. I challenged myself to just enjoy each moment, each image. I recall seeing a tall building on the left side of the street with endless air conditioning units being held up by nails and pulled down by gravity. The word “Resilient” came to mind and I turned to tell someone on the ride, anyone, what I noticed.
Everybody was watching the sights on the right side of the street through a camera lens. Everyone.
How often do we walk through our our life and miss the moments on the left because we are caught up in what is on the right? How does watching through the filter of past regrets or future concerns impact what we experience right now? How do the Shoulda’s and Mights frame our judgements and interfere with simply being?

I’m challenging myself to take stolen minutes with myself. Those minutes will not change what is knocking at my door but will impact how I receive what’s there when I choose to open it.

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